On Encryption and Privacy

Dear Mr. Cameron,
Please allow me to congratulate you on your recent declaration of intent to destroy the menace to our modern society that is private encrypted communications. For too long, in my opinion, has our nation been blighted by privacy, banking, digital security and all the other terrors visited upon us by not allowing the government, and indeed anyone else, to access any and all information we possess and send digitally. A masterstroke, I say, and seeing such a high profile politician as our Dear Leader throw his weight behind the glorious Crusade against privacy and technology. And as if to add to the genius of it all, by making this announcement mere days after a terrible atrocity committed with the aim of stifling an alleged freedom (albeit in an entirely different, devious foreign country) it showed how utterly dedicated you are to the cause! Compared to those other johnny-come-lately alleged right-wing parties currently trying to challenge your dominance, you certainly are a shining example of what the conservative right is truly about! However, for all this outpouring of adoration for this new scheme, allow me to make one or two modest proposals on where to go from here.

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